20th May.....the day that wasnt meant to be =(

Well, here i am....and instead of catching my bus to Belgrade, im going nowhere....unfortunately...hence my mood in the past days...if that can be called a mood at all.....this is the day ive been anxiously anticipating for months, or better said since last September when it was announced that Depeche Mode are gonna be touring again...this is the day that I dreaded since the very same day...and unfortunately, the day i wont have a chance to fulfill my dream....simply, the concert was cancelled...along with a number of others...the real shock was when i read that the concert in Athens had to be cancelled at the very last minute, before the guys actually went on stage....thats when the ghosts and the shadows started haunting me, giving me some bad sign...then it was Istanbul that was cancelled...and then, it was four others...Bucharest, Sofia, Belgrade and Zagreb....when i read this i was totally lost...i wanted to cry, but i couldnt....i just felt totally down and bummed out and just totally empty on the inside...I know to many it sounds as if im making a drama over nothing...but to me, Depeche Mode are not just my all time favourite band...their real impact is far beyond that...there is an emotional  connection i would never be able to explain...with their music i had managed to get through many of my hard times...with their music, i was able to face and live my own feelings and fears and joys and doubts...with their music i had often been able to give my feelings a meaning...you know, when you feel a certain way, but you cant find the right words to express it? well, Mr. Martin L. Gore has written it all down for me...their power on stage is one of the most amazing things ive seen and felt...and i have to say ive been lucky to actually experience it...3 years ago...regardless how pathetic it sounds, thats the best event thats has happened to my life, EVER!  Depeche Mode are an inherited part of me....and thats why all this is feeling so hard on me...its like a dream being broken into thousands of tiny little pieces....

Im really sorry im bothering you all with this....but i really need to commemorate this day to myself in any way...coz today is when i actually start to realize what has actually happened (its like a post-shock state).
 I even planned to stay in Belgrade by the end of the week, since my manager gave me two days off to go to the concert, and then was the weekend and just a perfect way to spend some time in the city i love so much...there was even the plan to meet with some of the Serbian postcrossers, but they will have to do without me this time :) The problem is, i dont know the right way to grieve all this...and i just still feel its chocking me on the inside...the worst part is that, I and all the rest of the DM fans, have no idea how the condition of Dave Gahan is right now..everyone is extremely worried, coz no news at all is actually WORSE than any sort of situation update...that gives a lots of room for opening rumourss and speculations and right now the official Depeche Mode message board is a place of insanity, with people's attitudes ranging from anger to fear to total impatience...and its getting worse and worse...unfortunately, im into that category too....the lack of news is killing me...not about further cancellations or the reschedule of the Belgrade concert...the fact that no one knows how Dave is doing is whats bringing loads of drama, and of course, the fact that many people have booked train/plane tickets, hotels etc. and now it all may be for nothing...its a real real chaos...but i just want so suppress my selfish attitude of *I* didnt go to the concert...this is not about me anymore...its about Dave and Depeche Mode...and all my thoughts and prayers for the best possible outcome regarding all this...I just wish it didnt feel THIS sad =|




Get better soon Dave....our hearts and thoughts are with you! I REALLY want to do the "NLMDA" wave at least once more in my life :)
Cheers to all the Depeche Mode fans out there, to all the soul sisters and soul brothers and any DM fans who happen to come across this post.