when last time I said I may not be in the frame of mind to post for a while...I certainly didnt't foresee this coming...yeah, the events I was referring to did turn out the worst way...but the actual shock came a few days later...on something I couldn't even have imagine...my dearest Foxy the cat is no longer among us...and I can not possibly find the words to describe how heartbroken I feel ;-( Sorry if this may be a yada-dada post, but I've written about so many things here and commemorated events and all, that I just can't go on without doing a post for him on one of the saddest occasions...and I already did a post about him here...and I have a few cat cards with cats that look like him...so I found them somewhat appropriate for today
And it all happened so soon and so out of nowhere...I mean, Kimi is ill (feline leukemia), and has been on daily therapy for almost two years...he can't be cured, but the therapy is keeping him alive...and if it comes to Kimi, aside from being ill, he is also twice older...so subconsciously Im somewhat more prepared that something may go wrong with him...not that I am REALLY prepared, one never is for that, one always has hopes until the last moment...but you know what I mean...
But no, I still can't accept it that it happened to Foxy...and I don't know what actually happened...he was missing for a day...and the next morning I found him in one corner, all quiet, as if something hurting him...my first thought was that he has been hit by a car or something, by the way he could barely walk...took him to the vet later that day, turns out he had some internal bleeding and his bladder was dysfunctional so he has been retaining everything inside for a few days...with a temperature lower for 3 degrees that the minimum one...but after giving him the treatment, the vet said he'd be ok, and to bring him the next day for some additional therapy and all...unfortunately, he didn't get to see the light of the next day...it was a shocker to me...still is....and it is still a mystery to me WHAT has actually happened...whether he has really been hit by something..whether he actually had kidney failure as a result to the internal bleeding...I really really dont know...all I know is that I just cant forgive myself for not being able to spot some signs earlier...and why wasnt he meowing the unusual way...cats usually should do that...Foxy was so apathetic...I lay in bed, and put him on my chest, and he was staying so still...coz he was actually getting ready to die *sigh*...and he died just next to my bed..not the most pleasant thing to wake up to...and the immediate reaction was to go back to sleep...as if what you have just realized is nothing but a bad dream...but unfortunately, it wasnt...it was a bad reality =/
Ive lost pets before...but never hurt like this...coz Foxy was so different and so special...a cat with a character...the one who would never sit still, the one who loved opening doors, who could never have enough food to eat, who loved jumping at you out of nowhere to bite your leg, who loved laying in ambush and jumping at you...the cat who knew what to do when you'd tell him 'sit down'....yeah, that was Foxy...made all our days so fun...that all who knew him, are gonna terribly miss that
But I guess those whom I care for so much, decided to leave me together...be it a cat or a man who has so much gotten under your skin...they just decide to leave (and thats a third failure of the year, but this one hurts the most coz it has been the most meaningful one...and you cant help it but start wondering why it always has to end that way? why cant it just for once go nice and last? Something Ill never get an answer to...
I really would like to think of him as taking a nap somewhere...he just didn't deserve to die...not so soon, not this way...he cant even possibly imagine how much he will be missed...and how empty it feels without him =/
After this, I think I will give up on collecting cat cards...at least for a long while...I unliked everything cat-related on Facebook as well...some people have told me to get another one, just like him...but there is NO cat like him...and no, I can't go through this again...I still have Kimi, and his day will come eventually...it is more than I could bear already
And Kimi is all alone now..yeah, there is no one to tease him and chase him and fight him...but Foxy so much protected him from other cats as well, despite being twice younger..
And sorry for the spirit of the post today...but as you know, on such occasions, this is the place which helps me at least a bit to cope with things by getting them out of the system..cos crying for three days and not being able to sleep nor eat, certainly hasn't helped much...
here is one of the Foxy pictures I so much love...he is just so adorable and as someone said, has such a warm face =[